(photo by Migraine Chick)I remember how excited I was to meet like-minded people in college after spending 17 years in a rural town where I often felt misunderstood. College orientation introduced to me all of the social options for a literature major honors geek like myself - including the Literary Magazine.
I went to my first meeting expecting to bond with other Tori listening sisters in black, but instead I found that a.) these girls all already knew each other and b.) they weren't the bonding type.
Where did I go wrong? Was it that my writing occasionally made sense or that I once missed a poetry slam to attend a fraternity party? Hadn't I gone to see Rocky Horror enough times, or maybe I didn't have the right tapestry hanging on my wall?
Now that I'm in the mommy blogosphere, I'm noticing a lot of the same insanity. The majority of these women are genuinely open to meeting new people, helping them around this crazy interweb world, and forming relationships. But then there are those who have built for themselves a Bloggy Ivory Tower, in which they would like to stay - alone together.
What went wrong? Could it be that a shameful few who have burst onto the scene to make a buck or get some free swag have ruined it for the rest of us who are playing nice with the big brands?
Today I saw a tweet calling people "SEO whores" (search engine optimization, for those non-techies) for commenting on or blogging about the deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. My first reaction was, "Good for you for not getting sucked in to blogging about this just because it's 'the thing to do'!" But then I felt a little sick. Blogging about what is happening right now in popular culture is a way for people to feel connected with other people. It's not about driving blog traffic. Why didn't she get that?
Clearly she worked on the lit mag in college.
Recently the "we're better than you" has become so out of control that I was afraid to leave a comment on the Queen of Spain's blog. I drop by her site whenever I think of it because it's fearless, it's thought-provoking, and many days it feels just like home to me, but I'm not a daily reader and thought this might make me look like what the upper echelon call....wait for it....a "comment whore." I told Erin as much and she laughed out loud at me. For the record, Erin's one of the cool kids who has been nothing but welcoming.
I also sat quietly - very unlike me - stewing about whether or not I should write a post about Kate Gosselin because of what the girls using the WiFi at the coffee bar would think about the fact that I had jumped onto the search engine train to hades. This is more than a little nuts.
So I'm throwing down the gauntlet. Ladies, write your blogs the way you want to write them. If you'd like to vent about your children, giveaway a prize every week, work with Walmart, and even put button ads on your site, do it. It's. Your. Blog.
And to all of those bloggers peering down at us with contempt and displeasure, know this. We had fun at those frat parties and we're having fun now, too.















42 comments:
I'm sorry, did you say something? I was too busy listening to the UK Import of the Crucify single...
LOL! You're a good writer! I write my blog however I want. If I have followers great, if I don't, No big deal!
GREAT post!!! I try to write, what I want to write. Although lately, I seen to be refraining because the little devil on my shoulder is saying this, "Really, you are Angry about this subject, so blog about it, but really everyone else is blogging about it already, do you need to?"
I'm a free spirit. I'm going to acknowledge everyone as an individual at BlogHer....
They may not know my blog, but they will know ME. Which is even better in person!
I agree!!! I like what you say...:)
by the way i wrote a thought about MJ on my Blog, and felt better afterwards that I did. paula/aka goatfox
Well said. There are a few blogs that I don't even visit anymore, because it's obvious for that blogger that it's about numbers and being popular and not making a connection with people. I'm about connecting. That's why I started blogging, that's why I continue to blog.
I love going to conferences and meeting others who "get" what I enjoy. Thankfully, that has been my experience with blog conferences so far. I hope it stays that way!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
This post is helpful to a newbie in blogging/social media. I didn't know that you could debase yourself by writing about popular subjects! I wish folks would be welcoming rather than school marmish in such a new technology.
I have a real issue with people who are so judgmental of other bloggers. For one thing, if someone has a guidebook that spells out how to do all of this the "right way," they should produce it as an eBook. Until then, shut the hell up.
Writing about timely topics is exactly the initial PURPOSE of blogs (hence the reverse chronological presentation). Also, to say someone writes about a hot topic to be an SEO whore just proves they know nothing about SEO for a few reasons.
One, hot topics aren't searched for long. So by the time you've been spidered the topic is typically not so hot anymore anyway. Also, by nature, hot topics are harder to target for SEO because of all the competition.
So they are judgmental, rude and wrong. Nice.
This is a community, people. Let's behave with some shred of civility to one another. Seriously. No one should feel like Amy here and afraid that commenting on a popular blog like Erin's will be twisted and misinterpreted. Ridiculous!
Hear Hear!!
Well said Amy. And probably very helpful for those who have started blogging "recently".
There is no "right way" to write a blog - there's a "right way" for YOU to write YOUR blog. Screw anyone else who tries to tell you otherwise.
I don't write to impress anyone - I write to connect with those who are passionate about the same things - whether passionate about agreeing or disagreeing, I don't mind either... but it's about the subject, not the process.
Be you. The people you connect with will be the right ones!
Thank you for the great post. I'm a very new blogger and have sometimes felt very unsure of myself but I've decided just to be me and let the chips fall where they may.
When I started The Guilty Parent, I promised I wouldn't let other bloggers influence what I had to say. I wanted to be outspoken because that's how I am in real life. Somewhere along the line I started playing things safe and I've found that I want to post less and less. I've fallen into that afraid to ruin my brand mentality. The only thing that playing it safe is actually doing for me, I've discovered is making me miserable.
I've got two posts brewing that I've been wanting to blog all week and thank you! THANK YOU for reminding me that it's perfectly all right for me to be who I am and who I set out to be in the first place.
Here-freakin-here! I'll have a sip of Sparking Apple Cider in honor of this post! It's my blooog, and I write what I want to...
Very well said and very true! I write for me not for anyone else, which is in part why I don't have ads. I am very disappointed in some of my "friends" that have gone all commercial and no longer blog about what started their blogs (in most cases family). Every now and then I do a post based on what I notice people have been finding my blog by in search engines, but not very often. I did do a MJ post, actually 2, because of events that happened on my facebook page over it.
Say Amen and Hallelujah! Its gone beyond ridiculous. Everyone trying to be something that they are not. You know me I'm just frankly perspicacious and well, lots of times I say things people just don't get, unless they "think" about what's been said. But I continue to write, continue to jack my jaws. its my blog. And no advertiser, community or other pseudo entity is going to take that away from me. Yes, I make money online. Yes, I make good money online. From my blog? nope. My blog is my personal space. Dare to invade it with snobbiness and I'll put you in your place in a hurry. I never delete comments, but I'm apt to fire back..and that is what the conversation is all about isn't it? Love ya Amy, you hit the nail on the head...again.
Seriously. Thank you. Exactly. What you said. Hear, hear, sister. Amen!
I wish we could all just live and let live and stop trying to tear each other down.
Well now that I KNOW I'm one of the cool kids I"m totally going to ignore you.
I kid. I kid. In all honesty, we all have our communities, and finding the ones that aren't as welcoming...be them a-b-c-d list or whatever...is never fun.
There are very few I won't hang with...and that's just 'cause they are mean ;)
I am so new to blogging. I started in January of this year. But in the few months I have blogged I have seen the differences that Queen of Spain wrote about. I see what you are talking about as well. My own blog is just my personal life put out there for people to see. But I have also gotten "suggestions, advice, tips" on how to write it. Not only from other bloggers but friends and family. I actually started my own "It's my blog and I'll write waht I want to" post. I love comments and feedback but in the end, it's my blog. I write what strikes my fancy. I post pictures I want to post. I learned early on that you have to write what you feel because that's your truth. In a very short period of time I gained followers I didn't solicit. And I realized that there were tens of people who atually enjoyed and that is great.
I see nothing wrong in writing about current events if that is the truth of your blog. I didn't write about Michael or Jon & kate because although I liked MJ's music and watch J&K, it's not part of my daily life. But if let's say Tori Amos or Stevie Nicks would die, I would write something because their music is important in my life.
But I think the point of a blog even if it is just a giveaway review blog is that you do it because it has become part of your life. Hey I have a whole other blog I use for giveaways etc but that is only because my personal blog is just that, my personal blog filled with my thoughts, wishes, nonsense and stories. I honestly don't care if I have one reader or 1,200. If people enjoy my writing and come back for more it's a good thing. But I write my blog for me,not anyone else. It gives me a voice and lets me write what I feel or want to remember. And those lit mag snobs be damned!
Bravo. One of the great things about the internet is that we can be ourselves, meet others that are interested in what we like to talk about and build relationships.
Any time you feel uncomfortable making a comment on someone's blog, come on over to mine and comment away! I welcome the conversation!!
As for SEO W....s -- There are those that spam blogs in the comments to sell prescriptions and such, but fortunately there are more and more blogging platforms that can weed out that garbage from those that really want to continue the conversation.
No matter what group you are a part of, there are always going to be some people that are(unfortunately) insecure and want to take time to bash someone else's success.
I guess I should feel fortunate that I have never held back on what I write. When the spirit moves me, I write. If it moves others, they comment. Isn't that what blogging is all about anyway?
To your continued success!
Stephanie
Productive & Organized - We'll help you find your way! tm
You just brought back all these memories - horrible, insecure memories - of preparing to go to Blogher for the first time in 2006. I had been blogging four months, I was sure all the so-called big bloggers hated me and were too good to make any new friends and I'd spend the entire weekend regretting my overpriced plane ticket to San Jose. This was also back in the day that if you had ads on your blog you were a sell-out and certainly not a real blogger. So I feel you.
Of course as it turned out, some of the really opinionated bloggers (ahem coughqueenofspaincough) are sweethearts in person, and pretty much all of the rock star mom bloggers were as kind as could be. The people who didn't like what I did with my blog...eh, moving on.
Personally I like reading bloggers who challenge me to be a better writer (Lit major? Hell-ooo.) But God help the one who takes on my reality TV obsession.
AMEN!! Thank you for writing this!
I met some of my (then) favorite bloggers last year and was basically snubbed because I guess I wasn't cool enough for them. It really soured me to the entire blogging (is this high school all over again?) scene, so it's refreshing to read this and know there are still some real people out there.
I look forward to seeing you at Blogher! :)
I just discovered your blog through a RT by jerseymomma and I have to say, you put into words something I've been feeling a long time. I was on the verge of blogging something similar myself! Now I don't have to - I can jut link here. Thanks for a great post.
Great post. It goes along with two of my favorite blogging/life philosophies: "Do you" and "To thine own self be true"!
Ladies, the affirmation makes me feel like I'm not still that over-sensitive 17 year old and confirms that I'm not living in a bloggy bubble. I'm happy to have given voice to what many of you were feeling.
And Erin, you so are the cool kid, but from the moment I met you at BlogHerDC - only three months into my blogging life - I knew you were not only the real deal, but were also fair and welcoming. There are definitely different communities, each of them with their own nasties, so really this post should include a little bit from every group. The snobby marketing elite, the judgemental blogging purists, those nasty review writers (wait...do they even exist?).
Exactly. Blog like you want to. But you are right that divides about what is "good" is always a part of writing. Lit mag writers are proud to be non-commercial, and might think commercial writers are crass. Writers with commercial support are proud to be doing their thing and might think lit mag writers are snobs. Truthfully we all might wish to strike the perfect balance of both worlds--and each of us is the expert on what is perfect to us.
I also think we try to lump too many things under the heading "blog." There are jillion ways to have a blog!
I totally agree! Great post. It's amazing how it can be so obvious that there are "cliques" even on the internet. Then sometimes your "internet friends" just stop paying attention to you for no apparent attention one day. So, of course that makes you wonder "Was it something that I said on my blog?" But you know? Don't they read the invisible disclaimer "this blog is my opinion only". :)
Get real people!
For a while I stopped blogging altogether because of the worry that I wasn't doing it right. Now I right 3 or 4 times a week, I think, and I'm *sure* those snobs would have *plenty* to say about what I'm writing now.
I'm getting hits, but not comments. And I know why. There's just nothing anyone can say really.
There are a lot of blogs I've quit reading exactly because of the lack of effort to connect.
Great post love!!
I decided this to be true a couple of months ago when I declared that I had no blogging goals. No goals for revenue, readership, fame, fortune, popularity, nothing. It's just a blog.
I wanted to add to read what you want to as well. Write what you want, and read what you want. If you don't like someone's blog because it's too whatever it is that bugs you? Don't read it. Easy solution.
Amen to this Amy. So well said. I am so tired of the drama, and that there are people who say that it's not OK to try to be nice to everyone, and that I should choose "sides". I'm lame and borrowing HSM - we are all in this together, and when we support each others, we all win.
A-freakin'-men!! I, too, have often held off commenting just like you! Not anymore! I mean, what the hell was I stifling myself and my voice for, when I had a genuine opinion? Because someone might think I'm something when I'm not? When the hell did I revert back to high school? Not anymore!
Woot, woot, my friend! Love it. These are things we all learned way back when but sometimes need to be reminded of, even as adults.
Rule numero uno: if you don't have anything nice to say. . .
I'm just in it for the chicks!
No seriously, I love the community.
I didn't see it, but that SEO accusation sounds ridiculous. As for traffic? Meh. Traffic based ads pay pennies on a personal blog.
Why tear each other down for doing what we love? If we were in it for the fortune we could make more per hour at Target.
We are here because we love it and genuinely love each other.
I try to ignore the nastiness that comes around. The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on.
I also hide behind Kelby often. heh.
It is so frustrating to see clicks and people being shut out.
This is perfect!!
There is no right way to do any of this. Even those who consider themselves the Mom Blog Pioneers still have something to learn.
Don't we all?
u know what's funny? I often stopped by your blog but never really left a comment because we don't really tweet or anything else, although I have heard a lot of GREAT things about you from my bloggy friends, we have never really chatted at all.
I am the middle of trying to figure out my direction for my blog .. YES .. I need to make extra income .. YES I want to connect with other bloggy peeps .. but NO it's not a numbers game to me, I mean numbers are GREAT but if no one likes you then were do you stand? ALONE ... So I am hoping my parenting and work at home support posts I have been working on will bring in and bring back some loyal bloggy friends .. I think we are all entitled to our opinions and it's our blogs like you said ... we should do what we want to do with them.. I can't believe someone said SEO Whores .. wow - -- that's kinda harsh!
It is HARD to know who is sincerely nice and who is not virtually ... so I tend to stay back out of the crowd if I can .. not sure who trust in this blog eat blog world :-(
Happy Sunday wishing you a SUCCESSFUL and HAPPY week!
Brandy
@brandyellen <--in case you you would like to tweet a bit more with me!
Every now and then I hesitate to tweet something because I wonder if someone will think, "She's not in on this conversation." I'm encouraged by your post not to do that anymore.
I may even do a little more comment "whoring" around at my favorite blog reads!
LOL, I wrote a similar post today about people not writing about Christianity or whatever religion because they are too worried companies won't sponsor them or let them do product reviews because of their religious beliefs!
So, when I read your post, I was rooting you on all the way hun! As I stated in my post, last time I checked It was my blog, and I was the one paying for the website/host!
And even if my blog was sponsored, I would feel the same way, and if the host didnt like it, time to get a new host, LOL
I keep everything I say REAL, and thats how I plan to stay. The real me, and whoever doesn't like that I talk too much, am sometimes controversial, whatever.... can , as my Twitter account states, can KISS MY GRITS !!!! cause I dont care, I am not here to impress either, I am here to be me and tell it like it is. Thats how I hope more bloggers than not are.
And I was never at a frat party, but I sure would like to go to one and see what it is like, even if I am a mouse in tha corner, LOL
oh, and I hate the rocky horror pic show too, LOL
I havent' been blogging for very long and I read a post a few weeks about how this is just like high school very clicky.
It makes me wonder why someone would take the time to write a post that sounds so nasty. Is it wrong to make money, is it wrong to receive a product for the hard work that you do to give a little back by offering a giveaway. Makes me wonder if the post just comes from someone who entered and Lost or applied and never got picked.
I can go on but I won't. I'm a newbie and its all preschool to me.
Great post. Thanks for sharing you thoughts and being willing to put yourself out there with the lit mag chics.
Ah, the ivory tower clique! I recently found myself inside similar ivory walls IRL, and you know what, who cares?
So much wasted angst about wanting to be there.
Everyone's a judge, but no one need be executioner, especially in the bloggy world.
PS I wrote an MJ blog because I write about what I'm thinking about. That's what a blog is for!
Good advice.
At my age I feel I can write about whatever I want, when I want and if nobody reads it or likes it, tough cookies. I'm not into playing the social games with anybody, and if nobody feels like tweeting to me either, that's OK too.
And BTW, the heck with stats.
Cindi @ Moomette's Magnificents
I agree. My blog - My thoughts - my topics.
But, I won't lie to you. I'm obsessed with SEO. But I didn't write about Michael Jackson due to my conflicting views. God rest his soul but I choose not to feed into it.
I write anything I want, at any time. Unfortunately, the past two weeks, during my blog party, I've barely had a chance to write a personal post. But I'm doing one tonight just to say hi to my readers.
I've posted it on my blog before and I'm sure I'll say it again - I have personal stuff on my blog, cool things I think people should know about, and more - because that's how I like the blogs I read. I want to know about my friends' lives, their kids, their issues, and offer support when needed.
Oh and at the risk of being a "bitch", I couldn't care less what anyone says, here or IRL.
Thank you.
Love it!!! :-)
Can I just say...wait for it...Amen. You always inspire respect with your writing and your work ethic and it's nice to know I'm not the only struggling with content management as it were. I comment where I feel led and I say what I want for the most part, but there's always that worry. Not that I'm one of those popular ppl, but because it's my responsibility to be aware of what I'm writing.
Ugh. Enough of my tirade. I love ya Amy and we'll just keep right one partying! You keep doing what you're doing, cause that's what makes you great!
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